Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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