I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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