Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
