the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Someone signed my nipple.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
