Sry I called you an 8
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
