I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
