update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
