mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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