i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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