Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
