I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....