the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize