I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.