I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
stfu you slept on the patio!?!