Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
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Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...