I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.