i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal