somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
