do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
