I need help removing her.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
