It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You have to summon your inner elephant
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
