Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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