I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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