Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
