remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
