I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
