I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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