Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
