The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
