Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
accomplished twins. life is a go
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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