i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize