Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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