He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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