operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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