tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
