Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
last night I used snow as a chaser
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
