I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
