Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
