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I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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