I wish I only lived at night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
