oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
