I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Houston, we have a squirter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
