Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
