Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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