She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
