i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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