we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So apparently I’m into choking now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
