I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
