her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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