I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
