careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
