I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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