i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
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Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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