she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
