What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The best revenge is premature balding
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
