i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
