I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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