I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
