Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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