Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
