there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
