the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
