Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
