You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
