I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
