i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
