I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
