FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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